Traditionally, there are thought to be three stages to trauma recovery across the spectrum of survivors of rape, domestic abuse, torture, and combat. The first stage is restoration of safety. The second stage is remembrance and mourning. The third stage is reconnection with ordinary life. “Like any abstract concept, these stages are a convenient fiction, not to be taken too literally” (Judith Herman, 2015).

If we try to answer this question through the lens of Buddhist psychology, we could distil the answer down to one word: resistance.

Change + resistance = struggle.

Case studies are filled with instances of women being accused of being the abusive one because they responded to the first hidden punch thrown by the narcopath. This is called reactive abuse. The Buddhist approach is very simple….It’s the very first moment that’s the hardest bit.

Many victims are unconsciously drawn again and again to reconstruct the circumstances in which the original trauma occurred. It is as if the victim tries to re-write the story of their past so that it didn’t happen the way they remember it (as having a devastating and debilitating outcome).

On the whole, narcopaths prey on the kindest, most loyal and generous people. They prey on innocents!
You are not to blame!

Why does this site and every other Narcissistic Abuse support site recommend NO CONTACT? Because he gets a buzz out of inflicting pain on YOU. We loved and trusted him and placed him at the centre of our universe. So, it can take a while to accept he just doesn't care. He never loved us.

One thing that characterises Narcissistic Abuse from other toxic behaviours is the repeated stealthy violation of our core values. These values bond us to our abuser(s), at the same time as their violation causes us great pain. We are torn. This kind of injury is what is meant by a moral injury. Here are a few of those:

Tips from women who have survived the devastating impact of relationships with pathologically disordered men. Do's and don'ts for handling abandonment, traumatisation and grief.

You can recover from this. You are stronger than you think. Recovery is a long, winding road.

Your limbic system kicks in, floods your body with fear hormones and adrenalin and you can shift between wanting to fight, freeze or run for your life, but you just can't regain your normal composure from that moment forth. Your body won't let you. It’s in your body!

Covert Manipulation Techniques
Shine a light and find a vocabulary for the tactics manipulators use to exercise power and control over you.

It’s not like you haven’t had a break up before is it? But this one is different. Very, very different. This is not a normal break up.

Some simple distractions to help you feel better in the acute stages of narcissistic abuse recovery

Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is a devastating mental injury to partners of narcissist, sociopaths and psychopaths

Narcissistic Abuse is more of a matrix than a cycle, but let’s unpack the behaviours anyway

A narcissistic sociopath’s relationships all follow a distinct pattern:

IDEALISE DEVALUE DISCARD DESTROY

Understand the pathological character disorder of the person who abused you